I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
