i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
