Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
