Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I see more hoeing in ur future
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
