Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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