when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Are my feet made of real feet?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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