Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
