i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
