I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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