My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
