vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
