I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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