he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
