Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
