If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
