Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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