Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
