I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize