No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize