Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
