no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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