Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
