Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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