? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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