Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
