Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
