then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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