My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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