Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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