Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
