No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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