I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
