a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize