how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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