This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
