why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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