you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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