This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
