this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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