why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
