she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
