That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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