so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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