I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
