I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
