I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
