I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
