why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im holly from the hills drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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