At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
