p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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