Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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