I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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