Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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