1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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