All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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