my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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