ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
