Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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