I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
