Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
