C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
did i walk over a car last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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