I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize