margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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