So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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