i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
