its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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