That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize