I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
