The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
