theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
