I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize