No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
