oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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