You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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