I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
