I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
