Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
